Associate Moving to Bali
Just started my first year as an associate (A2A), and I've completely broken down. Not a sweaty group and pay in line with the street, but one morning I just woke up and realized I want to disappear. The money isn't enough. I have nice clothes, beautiful watch, niceish apartment (NY), and I can tell you none of these things derive happiness for me. My parents both died, and I don't love my friends.
Every inch of me wants to sell it all, buy a hut in Bali, and just disappear. Idk what people do for work over there, but if it puts some chicken and rice on the table, I would do it. I guess I've figured out that as much as I'd love to live in the upper west side and have a Bentley parked downstairs, that isn't any different to the level of luxury I have now given my age. Further, I've realized I just want peace and quiet. If I never spoke to anyone ever again, I think I'd be fine with it. Just the sounds of birds. I don't know what brought this on, but I'm just ready to hang it up and live a simple life. I'm actively jealous of people who drive around the country in vans and live in ECO tiny houses. The absence of noise is a luxury I just don't have.
Comments ( 44 )
I feel you man. I'd love to just drive around the country in a van but it's super scary to walk away from this life. I feel like once you're out for a while, there's no going back. Don't think I'd miss it but what if I do? Those are the thoughts that make me stay, at least for now.
yeah you're definitely done unless it's under a year. For me, I never loved finance enough to be a hard stayer. I just liked the check and being able to inflate some ego. But now that I just have 0 happiness, I don't see a point in staying. Realistically, I'll stay because I know nothing about buying a van, moving to Bali, or moving to the middle of Utah to live in a 50k house and work as a used car secretary. Something will break along the way though. That I'm sure of.
I have zero knowledge here, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. Why don't you either stick it out another year and save up as much as you can before making the jump, or learn coding or some skill you can do remote and make money from. That way you can either live your van life or move to Bali and have some sustainability and something to fall back on. I would read the 4-Hour Work Week - sounds like that book may be right up your alley.
Sorry to hear about your parents, friends and current situation. Best of luck man! Would love to hear what you decide on if you're willing to share.
Have you actually been to Bali? Maybe taking a week of PTO and doing that would be a small sneak peak of what life would actually feel like.
Just do it! You don't need validation from us. Everyone wants different things in life. You can be happy rich or.. less rich.
My brother in christ that's called depression
Unironically, I agree.
100% understand this. I'm in banking, albeit not IB , and I recently took a trip to South America. Man, it was life-altering. I had been to places like Mexico, Italy, and Spain before but South America was just so peaceful and vibrant. Everyone was friendly. Food was amazing. Everything was also so cheap since I had USD . I always thought money would make me happier but as I got more money, I just kept wanting more. When does it stop? The people I met in South America weren't rich. They were probably low-income to middle-class but they had pride, joy, and compassion in their soul.
One day when I was on the beach, I really did some mental math on how much it would cost to live here and I could definitely afford it multiple times over. I even thought about making the request to senior management to work remote for a month. Didn't go through with it because I'm not really on good standing with my MD at the moment. Anyways, I plan on leaving my firm pretty soon anyways and plan to have a little gap between my last day here and start date at new firm so I can take another trip.
I know I can't just pack up and leave because I have long-term aspirations that require me to stay in my industry/city. So, I'm stuck here for better or worse. But I will always take a trip whenever I have the time to.
I've felt this before and it was to move out West (Wyoming / Montana) and just disappear - like Into the Wild (Alexander Supertramp).
I then realized this was the depression I was masking, that it wasn't "I actually wanted to move out there", rather me wanting to die.
It took me awhile to realize this (only after a good friend committed suicide) and I got the help I needed. Stress in this industry fuels the thoughts I've had before and sometimes the ones I still have.
Before doing anything maybe look into a medical leave of absence. Can give yourself that mental break to figure out what you want in your life, and if it's still Bali then so be it. Know this may not apply to you at the levels it did to me but wanted to throw it out there. Best of luck to you.
Hope you're doing better
To underline that point, Chris McCandless died out there - exactly how or why is unclear - but we certainly all have felt the hubris that comes from living the upper middle class NYC lifestyle that fools us into thinking that we, personally, could make it work.
Big difference between having beers and doing yoga class on the beach at a resort in Bali and trying to survive on your own in the Alaskan wilderness.
i feel the same now after working over the weekend holy shit. sometimes i want to quit this job so bad
Do it
To answer your question in more specifics people usually work as English tutors/teachers. If you are close to the water you can also get work in diving / swimming areas although you'd need certifications for those. There are also less specialized hospitality jobs that would be happy to have native English speakers but the pay isn't good and COL has gotten much worse in these areas after the increase in WFH.
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My situation wasn't the exact same but it was similar enough that I feel like I should comment. I was living in Houston working in energy trading and hating life. I was making tons of money and realized that none of it mattered to me at all. I was miserable but wasn't actually doing anything to change my situation. Then, out of nowhere, the company I was working for got bought out and I was laid off (I was incredibly lucky in retrospect). I packed my bags and went to SE Asia for a couple months before finding another job in a city close to the mountains back in the US. Made a lot less money than before but it was worth it for me. I stayed in the trading industry but moved to ag products which is a lot more laid back. Maybe a similar change would be good for you.
It was absolutely the best thing to ever happen to me. SE Asia was incredible and the city I moved to was filled with people that didn't start conversations with "so what do you do for work?" Eventually I spent enough time in that city to think living in a van was a good idea and once my job went remote during covid I spent 2 months building out a van and have been living in it for 2 years now with a girl I convinced to join me. My career is absolutely nowhere close to where it would have been if I stayed in Houston but I would rather ski 50 days a year and surf all summer long up and the down the pacific coast of the Americas than have a nice apartment somewhere.
Instead of totally packing it all up and moving to Bali try to find a chill job in a city somewhere that you think you would like. It take a leap of faith but could it possibly be worse than what you're feeling right now? If it doesn't work out you move back after a year.
Bro, I know your feel. I think living freely is tough though. One day your savings will deplete and you are out of luck if you are out of work for long.
I thought about this and I just want to go somewhere like Chiang Mai to chill for life (I am based in Asia but life is tough regardless).
But we need some way to continue getting decent income after leaving banking. Probably need to find some side gig through remote working to make good money if we want some sort of freedom in such young age.
Depending on your (or our) profile, the options would include: zoom tutorial teacher (if you are good at presenting with decent education and don't mind low but more than enough pay), MBA / undergrad admission coach or IB interview coach (difficult to gain traction, need some sort of pedigree, decent money once you get stable customer pipeline), SWE (if you studied CS in ug. pay is low though for these remote jobs and current environment just sucks for CS), healthcare (counselling, clin psy, telemedicine, etc. - heavy investment but you can probably FIRE for life once you are licensed)
I hope one day I can do some remote jobs with decent pay and travel around the world but that's just so difficult. IB is attractive money with no sight to the end while being soul crushing everyday.
English Teacher (in person) is a lot more common than you think. People have been going this route well before the pandemic started. Additionally, for the water based locations any type of water-based instructors (swimming/diving/etc) are always in demand but you need some certs for some of these. Apart from that, he can work in hospitality itself. Pay isn't the best for the grunt jobs but if he's decent looking he could be a bartender or depending on his business experience try to go for a higher role (such as manager).
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You sound depressed, have you tried therapy before making a huge life change?
Has anyone anecdotally left the rat race and regretted it? Its helpful to see the comments from those happy with the decision but curious to hear the other side.
I don't regret it per se, but I did dive right back in once I realized that this was a case of the grass definitely being greener. I have a lovely 3-year gap on my resume that I still daydream about to this day, though - so no complaints. For the record it didn't hinder me professionally too much aside from some lost earnings - interviewers got a kick out of my stories from that period. I could write a book.
The first thing you'll notice is that many expats have jobs. Maybe 20% were wealthy enough to completely leave work behind (most of those were landlords or sustained themselves via rental properties/airbnb). The rest were still employed in stuff like IT or consulting, web design, etc. and many were on weird hours because their clients were based in the U.S. When I was in Portugal many folks slept all day and worked in the evenings so they could never really hang out or do anything spontaneous.
The 2nd thing that hit me was that people still did what they did back home. That meant pair up, get married, have kids, start businesses, etc... So folks were still settling into a variation of domestic and work life, just without the office. The pressure to earn and produce was still there, so there was an element of stress though acknowledged as something different. They would just call it "growing up" and such. Not saying they weren't happier but they were still being led around by their responsibilities.
Then there were the folks passing through. Lots of folks are on to the next adventure pretty quickly or get back to the grind after a hiatus. I quickly got tired of cycling through temporary friend groups and watching them get younger while I got older.
So you're in paradise where no one has time to hang, people come and go, and the rest all disappear on you once they start pairing up. I could get that at home w/ a nice bank deposit every 1st and 15th. I just go on vacation a lot. I'm particular to long weekends, which is a doozy w/ hybrid work.
One good thing I will argue came from the pandemic, is that folks realized they didn't need to spend quite as much as they thought or work as much as they had to feel content. They didn't need to grind themselves into dust to make a living. Much of it was just simple materialism masquerading as ambition.
You guys have got to stop thinking that it's IB or nothing for your career (I know, wrong message board). Just be a little bit more imaginative about your (exit?) options - Look at all the non-banking folks on here who actually enjoy - or at least tolerate - their gigs. You don't have to go full on bohemian to enjoy this life.
Thanks, really appreciate the perspective. What type of role were you in before going on the 3-year break and what did you end up going back into?
You only have one life to live
Spending that time moving around numbers on a spreadsheet and creating powerpoint documents seems like a real waste to me
No one sits on their death bed and says "you know what? I wish I spent the prime years of my life chained to an office desk, living in some shit apartment in New York and occasionally banging Tinder 4-6's". Do what makes you happy and gives you fulfillment.
Because before you know it, that time will be up
Banker out
Thanks for your comment. But, why are you a VP then?
Bro, Indonesian parliament passed a law banning sex outside marriage, they are trying by to move away from an expat paradise and more towards a conservative Muslims society.
They're not going to kill off a huge source of revenue from holidaygoers/tourists/surfers/professionals on holiday. Check out the updated statements from the ministry of tourism (ie no active prosecution of people sustaining the local economy in tourist hotspots). I'm from UK parents but was born in Asia and lived there for a while and have spent 4+ years across 1 month stints on holiday everywhere worthwhile visiting, some of them strict, some of them not. Chill out buddy
Do it. Life is short, might as well enjoy it.
Totally do it! You're a smart guy, I'm sure you'll figure out a way to make money. Remember, most millionaires / billionaires don't work in finance. Maybe this trip will help you reset and figure out your true passion. At the very minimum, it'll give you clarity and peace. I backpacked through Southeast Asia a few years ago and it was truly a life-changing trip.
You just want to live in the Midwest. Move to Michigan or Chicago my friend.
Get a remote job where you don't have to work many hours. There are plenty of BD type roles that are very easy, remote, and still pay pretty well. Then you can move to Bali or wherever the fuck you want and soak up the sun while still having the security of an upper-middle class US salary.
I had the same thought at one point and almost retired to Montana. But, I took some time and came to the conclusion that I don't mind working if I'm at least somewhat fulfilled by the work (which I am in VC(for the most part)). This was my conclusion, you may have a different one.
I often wonder what life would be like if I had retired. I also wonder if I had pursued banking, I might be more successful now, but likely I would've quit immediately because I'm an entrepreneur and I fucking hate working for other people.
Point is: you need to find yourself and understand your limits.
probably this with a focus on trying to find a solution to the last part
Good plan. I recommend you spend more of your time in Ubud in the yoga environment and the green rice paddies and less on the beaches of Semanyak. But personal preference I suppose.
It's not uncommon to feel lost or disillusioned with your career, and it sounds like you've hit a breaking point. After spending years in finance, I took the leap to leave it all behind and pursue a simpler life in Bali. I wasn't depressed, but I was tired of working at the bank where I was at, and wanted to do something completely different with my life. Or so I thought. However, the reality of that decision hit me quite hard, and I quickly realized that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I was spending a lot of my time in between Ukrainian/Russian OnlyFans girls, Australian and Scandinavian chicks that were on yoga retreats, or guys coming there to work as a personal trainers or gurus. I also met some locals, which I became good friends with, but ultimately you're an outsider, and they know that you will most likely leave "their" world behind a few months in. I've been to Bali several times before, but everything is not as picturesque as it seems like. Despite being free from the corporate world, nothing had really changed, and the money will run out more quickly than you think. I didn't run out of money, but I realized that my way of living wasn't sustainable, and returned to the corporate world about 6 months after I left.
It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed and long for a life of peace and quiet. You've come to the realization that material possessions don't bring you happiness, and that what you truly crave is a simple and fulfilling life.
While it's important to listen to your instincts and do what makes you happy, it's also important to consider the practicalities of your decision. If you're feeling lost and uncertain about your next steps, it might be helpful to speak with a therapist to get to the bottom of what you are going through. You may also want to explore different job opportunities that align with your values, without draining your soul.
Ultimately, it's up to you to determine what brings you happiness and fulfillment in life. If you decide that a simple life is what you truly want, then it's important to make a plan that will enable you to achieve that goal in a sustainable way. Remember, it's never too late to make a change and pursue your dreams, but it's important to do so with intention and purpose.
I did 8 months in banking, and fucking hated it. It's important to understand that you can have a life in the west and have a certain comfort without working 80+ hours week. It' s not IBD or surf hippie.
I have a friend of mine that snapped whilst working in MF PE and became a park ranger in the middle of fucking nowhere. He killed himself a year later, because clearly he wasn't in a good mindspace to actually know what he needed to do.
Please OP, get some help. There is a lot of space between hating your job every day and the instagram view you have of Bali.
There's diminishing returns on everything (pleasure seeking and working included), and the right balance for you is almost certainly not on either extreme.
It's OK to quit your job, get therapy and figure shit out without flipping the dial to the other side.
What did you leave IB for?
I want to second a lot of the comments other have said here - it sounds like you are going through some depression. I went through it as well, carve out an hour a week and go talk to a therapist about what you are feeling.
I went through a very similar experience. Started in IB out of school, I was working all the time and extremely stressed. I lost touch with a lot of my close friends, missed weddings and didn't go on guys trips. It got to a point where I ended up resenting a lot of my friends because they couldn't relate to what I was going through at work and rather than fix what was going on in my life I found reasons to hate them.
Thankfully, my gf now wife pushed me to go talk to someone and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I ended up taking some PTO and made a career change, now couldn't be happier.
Isn't PE similar WLB?
Given the context of the thread want to stay anonymous and not give too much away but I am not in a traditional PE investing role. Still get to do interesting / stimulating work but lighter deadlines and less stress.
There a lot of interesting careers out there outside of traditional IB / PE . Don't be afraid to explore something outside the box.
what a great thread… hope u seek help and feel better soon op
Have you tried catching a running chicken with bare hands?
Maybe also consider Mexico? That way you might have an easier time picking up some US consulting work remotely within the same time zone should the interest take you
Go for it man 100%. I know someone who lives in Bali and they love it, very affordable over there.
You only have 1 life and no reason for you to be miserable. At least try it out for a year and see how you like it
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